Yes, it seems like every ex vegan is coming out right now, and I happen to be one of them indeed. Although this phenomenon might appear as a propagandistic tendency, it has in fact much deeper roots, which very easily translate into: veganism is not a sustainable diet. The reason why everyone is quitting veganism at the same time is because we all nearly started at the same time, and are now experiencing its effects on our health. My main reason for quitting it, however, is an ethical one, to which a psychological component is to be added too. I’m briefly breaking down my argument in the following paragraphs, but you can also watch my latest video, in which I not only discuss it extensively, but also share some rare footage of me trying beef for the first time after 15 years.

My Main Reasons

Ethics

As you might remember, a few month ago, I wrote a post about Veganism and the Paradox of Living an Ethical Life, in which shared my many doubts on the ethics of a plant-based diet, versus eating grass-fed beef. My reflection on the subject had become so intense and overwhelming, that I could no longer look at my plate of quinoa without thinking of those poor ladies in South America consuming their hands and starving themselves just to produce my “cruelty free” meal. A similar discourse applies to cotton (check out what’s going on in Mexico because of cotton production), avocados and legumes. On top of it, I couldn’t stop thinking about all those poor rabbits, birds, insects and lizards that get unjustly killed every time a crop field is created. As I wrote in my previous post, if you compare the figures, you’ll find exponentially less cruelty in a grass-fed ox liver than in a plate of lentils. It’s impossible to grow grains and vegetable without killing thousands of lives in the process.

As I educated myself on meat and dairy industries when I went vegan, so I decided to educate myself on crop production. The first thing I found out about is the figures. The most shocking discovery is this: other than in the US, cereal and soy (!!!) crop production is for HUMAN consumption. There’s only a small percentage (around 20%, if I’m not mistaken), which isn’t fit for human consumption and is therefore used to feed livestock which are, however, mostly grass fed. This means that the horrific deforestations that are taking place worldwide have nothing to do with the meat industry and could potentially be aggravated if everyone went vegan (as the crop demand would significantly increase). Moreover, CO2 cow emissions are not as dangerous for the planet as some vegan propaganda is trying to advocate: bovines have always been around and in pretty much the same amount (we have definitely more cows now, but how about those poor bisons that are slowly extinguishing?). How can one even think that their natural CO2 emissions might cause harm to the planet, more than the aircrafts used to transport tempeh, avocados and quinoa across the globe? Lastly, did you know that farms actually protect lots of animals which would never survive otherwise, by providing them with food, shelter and good care? Most of the bovines and chickens out there would never make it to 2 years of life, as they would fall prey of bigger predators.

Factory farming is surely evil. But so is the crop field industry. If one really wants to be ethical, the best thing to do is to buy from local farms. Fair enough, but are animal products really necessary? Can’t one just thrive on self-grown or locally-sourced fruit and vegetables? The answers are: yes, animal products are necessary (if you want to perform at your best), and no, one can’t thrive on self-grown or locally-sourced fruit and vegetables solely. But this leads us to the next point.

Health

As you might know, when I first went raw vegan, back in 2014, my IBS improved a lot, but when I started incorporating cooked foods in my diet (because a raw-vegan diet could no longer sustain my workouts), my symptoms got worse and worse. In 2018, I went low FODMAP and my IBS symptoms improved dramatically. However, that restricted my diet even more, and because my protein demand was pretty high, I was forced to consume unbelievably great amount of soy products, such as tofu and tempeh. In the aforementioned old post of mine, I had already expressed my concern about soy consumption, and the truth is that, because there’s no substantial scientific evidence to support theories in favour or against soy phytoestrogens, it was hard to make up my mind once and for all. So I decided to stay in the safe zone of 100g tempeh and 150g tofu a day, and to supplement the rest of my protein intake with: pea and rice protein powders, quinoa, buckwheat, nutritional yeast, tahini, nuts, some lentils and beans here and there. Phytoestrogens aside, however, bioavailability is another unescapable truth to be considered.

In my first 4 years of veganism, I felt great most of the time (beside my IBS, of course): I felt energised, light, focused and kind of happy. That’s essentially due to 2 reasons: 1) I was bulking (meaning I was eating extra calories everyday, and, because of that, my body had plenty of energy sources available in my body); 2) when I started my vegan journey, I was in great need for detoxification, and a vegan diet is one of the most effective ways to detox your body. However, when I did my first vegan cut, in Spring 2018, my energy levels suddenly dropped, and I began to feel fatigued, dizzy, lethargic and sluggish out of the blue (I must say that my cut had just started, so my calories were still pretty close to maintenance level, so you can’t blame it on their being too low). I got my blood tested and everything was within the range. Around the same time, I also started craving high protein foods, such as tempeh, intensively. On top of that, I developed depression, anxiety, paranoia and a constant feeling of emptiness, not in its metaphysical, existential meaning, but in the sense of physical hollowness, like a lack of grounding. Exactly the same happened early this year, during my second cut. In both occasions, my daily protein intake would never go below 140-120g, so it wasn’t a matter of not meeting my requirement. All of my macros and micros have always been religiously accounted for, so l wasn’t theoretically lacking anything.

My constant tiredness was due to the bioavailability of the nutrients I was intaking everyday: plants have anti-nutrients to protect themselves, making it hard for humans to assimilate the nutrients. Hence, when you consume 140g plant-based protein, you actually assimilate something around 70-80g of those (the same applies to other macros, as well as to micros, such as vitamins and minerals). When you’re on a bulk, you exceed your daily macro and micro need, so you assimilate enough nutrients to feel good (reason n.1); when you’re cutting, though, you suddenly deprive your body of too many nutrients. Could eating more have helped me out when cutting? Probably yes, if I had increased my protein consumption, but, as I’ve already said, my proteins were mainly coming from soy products, and I’ve already expressed my concern about them.

Detoxing is an excellent practice and all cultures and religions incorporate fasting in their practices. However, it doesn’t have to be carried on for too long. Veganism is a fasting-mimicking diet, which works wonders for your body, when practiced for a few months, or even a few years. When your body gets rid of all the toxins in excess, however, and gets ready for its normal tasks, you no longer need to detox it (just as a side note, this discourse is entirely wrong, as your body naturally detoxes itself everyday, and what we mean by “detoxing” is just supporting it in the process by not overloading it too much). So, if you don’t provide it with the right amount of nutrients it needs, it’ll start to slowly decay, leaving you tired, sluggish, fatigued and empty (reason n.2). Finally, only animal fats are able to balance our hormones out effectively, making you feel grounded, focused and happy. And, again, this is because of their bioavailability: as a species, humans have evolved consuming fresh organs and other easily available meats, our bodies are perfectly designed to assimilate animal nutrients faster and more effectively than plant based nutrients (as I said, we can thrive on plants too, but only for short periods of time), or even lab-synthesised surrogates.

Psychology

As everyone knows, a 100% plant-based diet is not complete. You need to make sure you get enough B12, omega 3 (and in a good ratio with your omega 6), and the list goes on and on… Vegans typically turn into nutrition scientists, constantly calculating their macros and micros, knowing which foods should be combined with which for best results, always carrying supplements and protein powders in their bags. I had enough of it all.

Although I believe in meal plans and strict schedules, when it comes down to food, I also believe in simplicity. The simpler your meals, the more digestible and effective. On a vegan diet, I found that I had to constantly combine my foods to meet my requirements, not to mention the supplements I had to take. Moreover, most of my food was also highly processed. Finally, I was eating the same foods over and over again, same meals throughout the day and throughout the year, it had become so unnatural and counterintuitive that was really clashing with my ethics and belief system. I could only imagine spending the rest of my life that way. I felt totally disconnected.

What My Diet Looks Like Right Now

Since I went back to animal products, I’ve been trying to be more ethical than I was as a vegan. My rule of thumb is this simple: harming as few lives as possible; impacting the environment as little as possible; feeling one with nature as much as I can.

Most of my food comes from wild-caught fish (mostly salmon, mackerel, sardines, tuna, haddock), duck eggs, grass-fed beef (whose taste I don’t even enjoy that much) and lamb. I also have some organic, locally sourced Skyr yoghurt, grass-fed butter, goat butter, and Feta or Halloumi cheese. As to my carbs, I still consume plenty of (low FODMAP) vegetables, potatoes, swedes, turnips and parsnips, which I buy from my local farmers market (alongside the meat). Sparingly, I still consume organic oats, bananas, berries, basmati rice and buckwheat (I’m not ready to cut them completely to reduce my environmental footprint, and I also believe in balance — I’ve experienced the effects of a restrictive diet on myself to the point where I really understand the importance of balance and happiness in one’s overall well-being). In terms of meat, I buy a lot of organs, such as livers, kidneys and hearts, for 2 reasons. First of all, people don’t generally want them, and I don’t want animals to die in vain; second, because those are probably the most nutritious foods in the world: they contain most of the essential vitamins and minerals which are also extremely bioavailable — our bodies are just designed to eat organs because this is how we’ve evolved. For both reasons, I believe that consuming organs is the most ethical way you can eat.

How Do I Feel?

I feel good. Not only do I feel more balanced, grounded, energised, focused and overall happier, my bloat has gone away, my digestion has improved a lot, I’m still dieting but don’t feel exhausted anymore (in fact I don’t even feel that hungry in between meals — although my macros and micros have stayed exactly the same as when I was vegan).

The most impressive improvements concern my performance in the gym: my recovery is much faster and my muscle appearance is much better (on my rest days, my muscles used to look a bit flat, when I was vegan; now they always look full).

The most important change, however, is that I finally feel connected and spiritually balanced. On top of it, I’m sharing meals with my husband for the first time in 14 years, and that’s an indescribable feeling, which most people probably take for granted, but which I was risking not to experience ever in my life. Just for that, I’m so glad I made that decision.

My Gratitude

I’m grateful to veganism for making me aware of what’s going on in the meat in dairy industries. I’m also grateful to it, for opening my eyes and helping me understand that compassion is real. However, as a scholar of Friedrich W. Nietzsche, I cannot but transvalue my own values, the first one being veganism indeed. In the path towards my self-becoming, in my seek for self-realisation, I need to go beyond veganism itself and ground my own ethics; I need to incorporate what complies with my own belief system, and to reject what doesn’t. Compassion does comply with it, exploitation doesn’t; for this reason, I decide to go back to eating locally-farmed meat and wild-caught fish, rather than pretending to be “cruelty free”, when in fact supporting the unjustified killing of thousands of insects, lizards, birds, rabbits, as well as the exploitation of poor countries and people.

My last thought of gratitude goes to Bobby Risto from Bobby’s Perspective (go and check him out, if you haven’t yet), for speaking out for those vegans and ex vegans in struggle with their diets and ethics. Bobby is currently working on a documentary to denounce the truth behind crop fields, and I honestly look so much forward to it!

Don’t forget to watch my video, if you haven’t yet! 😉

Why I’m No Longer Vegan

Thanks for following my journey!

Peace, Love & Compassion,